I hear it every time I’m in public. “You must be so busy!”
My answers and reactions vary, depending on who said it or if I want to have a real conversation. They vary from a smile in acknowledgment to a stranger at the grocery store to the truth with a multiple-sentence answer to somebody at church.
This is my truthful answer:
No, I’m not really busy at all. What am I supposed to be busy doing? We only have one scheduled thing during the week. Calvin’s not in preschool yet. We don’t go to any classes. We do things on our own time. See friends, go to the library, other (very seldom) entertainment type stuff, and grocery store trips. These can all be done at any time (well, any morning because afternoon nap time is precious!), and do not make me feel busy in the slightest.
And at home…that doesn’t feel busy either. I have, admittedly, a healthy amount of time to myself (afternoon naps, remember?) I make simple meals, keep play simple, and, my number one way to not feel busy at home, I keep our home uncluttered.
I don’t know why there is the assumption that all moms are busy. Sometimes, when I find myself in group conversations about this – conversations involving the phrases “reheating coffee”, “rerunning the laundry”, “hadn’t eaten until 3:00”, or “can’t find time to shower” – I notice I just nod in agreement, feeding the stereotype. I’m afraid to share my experience because I don’t want people to think I’m pretending to be the perfect mom or saying my life is better.
I know that every person lives and works differently so not everybody can, or even should, be like me. Some people need to get out of the house more than I do. Some people need to have a scheduled week. I am not a perfect mom who has perfected parenting. My home isn’t always peaceful or clean or ideally orderly. I just know what works for me and it happens to not be “normal”.
I am a mom with three young boys and I am not busy!
we mainly just jump on couches all day
I can’t say what my life will be like when the kids are in school, but I do know it doesn’t have to be a hectic life.
This is great! I don’t find being a stay-at-home parent hectic for many of these some reasons but I do sometimes wonder what it might be like when we have more than one kid. I’m glad to hear that it doesn’t have to be crazy!
I guess I should say something because I know I’m one who has said that to you. By being busy, I don’t necessarily mean going from here to there and having lots on the go. Nor is it about getting lots of things done. What I see when there are little ones around is that mom has to think about their needs… whether it be changing a diaper, taking someone to the toilet, wiping their bum, dressing them, feeding them, keeping them occupied with good things, wiping up spills, folding tiny clothes, building things, putting puzzles together, finding the lost piece, reading stories, settling them when they are upset or fighting, bathing them, putting them to bed, cleaning up toys . . . it’s the idea of always thinking about someone else and thinking for them, making them comfy and happy, doing what they can’t do for themselves.. I know we as moms and grammy’s love them and are happy to do these things, but it’s an unselfish kind of stage in which you are busy being in the shoes of three little ones who can’t do life without you.
I guess that’s what I mean.
Like you, I was not a mom who got involved in all kinds of things that got me out of the house.
We all manage this early childhood stage in different ways. I liked feeling in control by being home, while some of my friends needed the inspiration they got by getting out. When my kids got older, I made a total turn around, sometimes feeling like we lived in the car. But I loved it! So, like I’ve said . . . for everything a season, and for each person that may look different. Being content is a gift.
Love, aunt Anneliese
Yes, Katie brought up these same thoughts on my link to this post on Facebook. But I’ve never looked at those tasks as “busy work” either. I’m not sure why it feels different to me than to others.