Here I am, just a few days from my due date with Baby Girl. As per usual, it has taken forever to get here but somehow it hasn’t felt like forever.
The question of the trimester is “Are you ready?”
Truthfully, I was ready since the day we found out we were expecting. It never takes me any time to get my mind wrapped around the idea of adding another person to our family. In regards to having what we need, yes, we have more than enough. The only thing we really needed was some girly clothing. As okay as it would have been to have our daughter dressed in everything our boys have worn, I am so ready for some feminine touches. And we have been so blessed with hand-me-downs from friends and of course I had to do some of my own shopping. I think she is set for the first year at least! The pack-and-play is set up in the corner of our room. I have a couple things I want to hang on the wall above, and maybe figure out a way to hang a curtain or canopy of some sort around her bed to block some of the light from Tim getting ready in the mornings. I never really felt the need to decorate the corner of our room for the boys, but I’m feeling it for this girl! My backpack for the hospital is packed and the tiny diapers are bought. Yes, we are ready.
I have fallen into a rhythm the last couple months. Our mornings are spent either shuttling Calvin to preschool and back, running errands here and there in between, or hanging out with friends. Our afternoons usually see me taking a doze on the couch while Patrick naps and the other two play with Lego on the kitchen table. I’m actually quite amazed with them. It took a while, but they can spend up to an hour and a half or longer just playing happily and amicably. When I first started trying to have these afternoon naps, it definitely did not look like this. The fought, were disobedient, and Victor was also in the very early days of potty training, so I would often have to get up and intervene or clean messes. But gradually we have gotten to this point where I can zone out for a while and come out feeling refreshed. I’m hoping this can continue in some form once the baby is actually here.
I don’t think the older two will be phased much when their sister arrives. Since they have gotten so good at playing together, I think that will help immensely. And they are so used to babies from all our friends that it won’t seem new! and wonderful! and the most special thing! They are not super excitable like that. They do, however, enjoy blowing raspberries on my belly. Calvin gets really good “blurps” and has a 100% success rate at making his sister respond. Victor tries hard, but his raspberries are just a bit too timid. Patrick succeeds only in spitting in the general direction on my belly button. I’m not sure how Patrick will react to having a baby around. I was actually holding a three-week-old the other day, and he didn’t seem to mind. Just kept pointing at her and making sure people knew she was there. I am afraid he will want to nurse more. Currently he only nurses at bedtime, but I am so ready for him to be done. Victor only nursed twice after Patrick was born, so maybe that will happen with him too. But he is quite cuddly and might think he’s entitled to more when he sees it being offered to somebody else more often. We will see.
In the past little while I have been really feeling this as the end of an era. Unless we change our minds, or if God decides to surprise us, this is our last baby. This is my last pregnancy. The last time I get to grow a human inside me and feel them kick and squirm. I am really going to miss those movements. I’m going to miss the boys interacting with my belly. I think I’m going to miss my belly in general. I have especially been thinking about the newborn stage and almost mourning the fact that it will not be the same as having your first newborn at all. I never really thought about it with the second and third, but it’s really on my mind now. With the first, you have so much time to just spend with your newborn child. cuddling with them in bed, watching them sleep, nursing them with zero distractions. I wish I could have that again. But life still chugs on. I will have this new baby, but I will still have to make breakfast for the others, make sure they are dressed before we have to leave for somewhere, be places on time (I don’t let much get in the way of my punctuality :) ), cook dinners for an entire family. How do you enjoy these fleeting newborn moments when your attention is needed in so many other areas?
Looking towards the delivery, I get nervous sometimes. It sucks when you’ve been through labour and know what to expect. I have quick, fairly easy deliveries, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t suck! Because they do! I’m afraid this labour will either continue the length pattern and be born in exactly zero amount of time on my bathroom floor (my labours have been 6, 4 and 2 hours), or just throw all my history out the window and I’ll be in agony for over a day. Whenever I get anxious about it though, I just skip forward to thinking about the moment they place that baby on my chest. It’s the most amazing feeling. Ugh. Can’t wait!
Tomorrow evening my sister and brother-in-law and nephew are coming. That means there are two days left for us as a family in our current state. I actually hadn’t thought about that until typing it out just now. We probably won’t do anything special because that’s how we roll. I am hoping to get out for a couple hours on my own tomorrow though. Don’t know what I’ll do, but it will be the last time for a while that I can do that easily. What do you do when you just want to leave the house on your own? I’ll probably end up grocery shopping or something. I need one ingredient for the last freezer meal I want to make. And taking three kids into a store for one ingredient sucks. Not that they are bad shoppers, because they aren’t. I just dislike the taking-outs and putting-ins of the car seats. Especially with their winter stuff on and my physical state. Annoying. Anyway…what did I say before about likely missing my belly when this pregnancy is done? Ha!
So just a few more days. Or, you know, a week or two. All the boys were late, so it wouldn’t be surprising if she held on past her due date, but she’s the girl! She’s supposed to break the mold! I have definitely become one of those women who say “I carried my boys this way and my girls this way”. This pregnancy has seemed different. I feel her pushing in different areas, my belly looks differently-shaped, and my first trimester food aversions were something new to me. But only God knows when she’ll come. And I’m grateful that he is in control. I just hope he lets me continue my afternoon naps!