Read Part 1 with more on my strengths as a mom.

I wasn’t planning on writing more on motherhood so soon, but today brought more thoughts to mind.

I have known for many years what one of my big weaknesses as a parent would be: playing and having fun.

I don’t remember being big into playing as a kid, much to my little sister’s disappointment. One of my favourite babysitting memories was when the mom payed me extra to tidy up their very messy playroom. And I had so much fun this one time I visited my cousin out of town and was in charge of getting their two very young children ready for church and out the door while they were at worship practice. I am looking forward to when my own kids are school aged and I have to make sure they are ready in time in the mornings and organize their schedules and stuff.

But this whole toddler stage is out of my comfort zone.

Since Calvin started crawling up until today, I kept the living room as a sort of cage for him with the couches pushed together and other small furniture between them and the walls. That way I didn’t have to keep a constant eye on him and I knew he wouldn’t get into trouble. But I guess overnight he grew that extra millimetre he needed to be able to climb onto the furniture and get over the barricade.

So instead of trying to keep him contained, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it forever, I removed all the obstacles and have been letting him have free reign. Of course this means I have had to be much more attentive. I have had to get rid of little “staircases” to keep him out of trouble, like this:

Him pulling all the diapers off the drying rack I am okay with. Him messing around by the computer I am not as much okay with. So now I am at a point where I need to keep him occupied enough so he doesn’t get bored and hurt himself or wreck something. And I have no clue how to do it. So, all you fun parents and child care workers, tell me your secrets! And (I was going to write an entire post on this, but then I had all these thoughts to share and it’s pretty related) those of you who spend the entire day outside, what do you do all day outside?

I don’t have money to spend on swimming pools and zoo visits and tons of craft supplies. I like to use what I have but don’t have imagination to put anything into execution.

And that is where motherhood is difficult for me.

I don’t often talk about my experience with motherhood. This is because I feel a little bit like an anomaly and being an anomaly in the world of mothers doesn’t always go over very well.

When I think of how I see motherhood portrayed by peers and media, I think of the words “exhausted”, “surviving”, “needing caffeine”, “yoga pants”, and “no me time”. Part of me has to wonder how much moms express themselves this way because it’s completely true, and how much some moms express themselves this way because they have to in order to fit in.

I have to honestly say that after 13 months of being a mom, I cannot empathize with these kinds of statements (sympathize, yes; empathize, no). I count myself blessed to not need much more than 6 hours of sleep to have a normal amount of energy through the day. I count myself blessed to not need caffeine before doing anything in the morning. I count myself blessed to not have ever spent money on yoga pants so I don’t have them to wear. I count myself blessed that I have never felt the need to be pampered with alone time, pedicures and a glass of wine.

But in no way do I think this makes me a better parent than you. I still rarely feed Calvin vegetables. I don’t play with him one on one as much as maybe I should. I don’t bring him outside as much as he wishes I would. I get annoyed with his crankiness and new realization of will.

But he has been a joy to me in his first year of life. He is a happy, silly goof who loves to smile and he makes me smile so much as well.

And that is how motherhood is for me.

Read Part 2 with more on my weaknesses as a mom.